Cheesy OpenSees Jokes

Although the technical aspects of OpenSees are fondue write about, from brine to brine, I come up with curdy OpenSees jokes.

Many of the following jokes were inspired by this list.

• If OpenSees is a gouda name, what would be cheddar?
  OpenCheese
• Which programming language is cheddar than C++?
  C Sharp
• Why did the OpenSees analysis of a cheese factory fail?
  One stilton could not support its gravity load
• Why did the cheese maker start using the PFEM in OpenSees?
  They wanted to model debrie
• What did one engineer say to the other when assessing the seismic response of a cheese factory?
  Let’s OpenSees together, there’s no need for us to go it provolone
• How do you ask for a piece of OpenSees string cheese?
  You make a pull request
• What did the cheese maker say after the FullGenLapack eigenvalue solver finished?
  It’s about edam time
• What do Swiss cheese and the FullGeneral system have in common?
  They’re both full of holes
• What was the cheese maker guilty of when using more than two integration points in a dispBeamColumn element?
  Swissful thinking
• How do you define the mass of a cheese slab in OpenSees?
  You divide its whey by g
• Why did the cheese maker fail the structural dynamics exam?
  They couldn’t remember the moldal combination rules
• What is a cheese maker’s favorite OpenSees command?
  block3D
• What is a cheese slicer’s favorite OpenSees command?
  block2D
• What do you call a degenerate matrix of cheese slices?
  A singlelarity
• Why did the OpenSees analysis of a cheese factory take so long?
  There were too many load quesos
• ¿Cuál es el queso favorito de los ingenieros estructurales?
  Vigano
• How does a cheese maker start a Newton-Raphson iteration?
  They formaggio the residual vector
• How do you achieve quadratic convergence of the cheese making process?
  You use a consistent Jacolbyan
• What do you call a cable made of mozzarella?
  A cheesy pickup line
• What did the joists say after being covered in cheese?
  In gouda we truss
• What do you call an OpenSees script you didn’t write?
  NachoSees

In the Comments section below, let me know of any cheesy OpenSees jokes I missed.