Bad OpenSees Turkey Jokes

Today is Thanksgiving in the United States. A holiday meant for gratitude that has morphed into a day of eating copious amounts of turkey and other foodstuffs.

If you have distant family members at the Thanksgiving dinner table who also use OpenSees, here are some jokes you can tell in order to break the ice.

  • How do turkeys learn to use OpenSees? They Google, Google.
  • What is a turkey’s favorite finite element formulation? Turkeyhedral.
  • What is a turkey’s least favorite type of finite element model? Grillage.
  • What is a turkey’s least favorite type of OpenSees analysis? Thermal.
  • Which UniaxialMaterial should you use if you don’t know how to carve a turkey? Grip aNd Grab (GNG).
  • Which UniaxialMaterial should you use to deep fry a turkey? BilinearOilDamper.
  • Who is a turkey’s least favorite mathematician? Euler.
  • What is the best way to keep a turkey open while stuffing? Use a rigid diaphragm.
  • Why do turkeys prefer beam elements for flexible diaphragms? Because they are scared of plates.
  • How do you save leftover turkey? Use wrapper materials.
  • Did you hear about the turkey’s new Python package of various OpenSees utility functions? It’s called TurkeySeesPotPy.
  • Why do turkeys keep their OpenSees development repos private? Because they don’t want to be forked.
  • Why do turkeys make good OpenSees developers? Because they love finding bugs.
  • Why did the turkey’s OpenSees analysis terminate? A memory leak gobbled up all the RAM.
  • What did the beam say to the column before turkey dinner? Gobble until you wobble.
  • What do you call an earthquake at a sustainable turkey farm? Free-range vibration.
  • What do you call a turkey who is an experienced OpenSees user? Well Seesoned.

Use the Comments section below if you have any OpenSees turkey jokes to add to the list.

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